Vindication is mine!! Ok, maybe not vindication, but certainly third party reinforcement. Two of the five dating signs that a date is going well are part of my first date "must occur" triumvirate in order for there to be a second date. In addition to us actually having a good time and communicating (that goes without saying) she must offer to split the bill (his #3), has to be more than just a hug at the end of the night (his #5) and the third is the follow up thank you the next day (especially since, though she offered, I picked up the bill).
Don't give me this "you asked her out you should pay" crap either. We're both on eHarmony, so getting together is a mutual decision. I'm constantly surprised how rarely the woman offers, even with some women who otherwise seem to be well mannered.
And I don't want to hear "that's what society dictates" either. They should think for themselves. Society dictated slavery was fine for hundreds of years, but not everyone had slaves nor did they accept it. Think for yourself.
On a lighter note, if you have even a passing interest in baseball, its terminology and/or specifically the pitches, you will like this link on Wiki.
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Love the link, of course! Viva baseball!
I don't think you read that correctly, Joe. This guy isn't saying that these five things *must* occur to have a successful date; rather, he's saying that *if* these things occur, it's a good sign.
True djf. Still for me, my three things MUST happen to have a successful date. And if I don't have a successful first dates, the chances are slim of having a second.
When's the last time you had a "successful" first date? Sheesh.
None of those are "musts" for me, though it's great if they happen. Are my standards too low?
I am so glad I don't have to deal with the dating thing. And after 34 years of marriage, I just know I'm within a decade or two of achieving a successful pattern of communication with my bride. So continued good hunting.
I think they might be too low djf! Of the people I've had dates with since February....I'd say four have been successful first dates....yeah, that's about right I think. Slightly more than half I'd say.
omg...I've been doing it all wrong. Okay, so if I want to have a second date, I have to 1.) Make a sincere offer to pay, 2.) Make out, a hug is not enough, and 3.) Call or write to thank my date (does this change if my offer to pay is accepted?) Is the thanks for the great time, or for paying for dinner, or both? What about if I buy nice provisions to make dinner, and it's mutually decided to go out instead, and still offer to pay? Does that last one count for two if I failed to either kiss or follow up with a thanks? I think these dating rules are so confusing it's too difficult to navigate, in general. Because everyone has different rules. At least you put them on the blog so it's Joe-specific. That's good. You should by all means direct the Eharmony dates to your blog, before the first date, to give them a fighting chance. :-) I want to see this and last years Ribfest groping pictures side by side, I think you probably look even better this year with all that training. So tell us more about the four good first dates and the four bad ones, want the details!
Wup, you're putting words in my mouth anonymous. I didn't say "make out", I said more than just a hug. The article states a kiss and that's what I was going after.
If that's an issue, I submit this line of thinking: if you were on your first and possibly only date with Brad Pitt or Matt Damon or someone else from your "list" (note the "Friends" reference), you wouldn't hesitate to give them a good night kiss and no one would blame you. Not to would almost be silly. However to not kiss me after a first date (assuming it went well, conversation was good etc) based on principle is flawed logic. Your principles can't be selective based on the situation, it's the definition of principle.
If you went out with your friends and one of them paid for dinner, wouldn't you thank them the next day in some way? Why should a date be any different? If you wouldn't thank them the next day, be thankful you have friends at all! :-)
Brining provisions for a first date hasn't occurred in my dating time (granted that's a limited universe) so your question becomes moot. That's really a second or third date event (possibly later), but you should expect a thank you for going through the trouble to put together provisions for a dinner and your date should expect a thank you for paying for the night out. Common courtesy's both ways.
So, I guess, in summary, the rules aren't that hard. Say thank you, offer to pay your share and don't hold onto a out-of-date hypocritical "principle" that says kissing on the first date is bad. If you're 16, sure, maybe that's ok, but I'm not dating sub-30 year olds, so they should have it worked out in their head by now.
Plus my big caveats were that we had a good time, nice conversation and got along well. If those don't happen, there's not going to be a second date anyway.
Thanks for the compliment on the year-over-year picture! :-) The Ribfest link for last year's entry does have the picture, but I think I'd have to have my shirt off for you to tell anyway. The difference is Jared from Subway different!
That's awesome about the progress year over year. It shows in your photos, shirt on or off. Your companion looks pretty much the same though. Have you seen Lars and the Real Girl yet?
Hmm. I'm not sure if I knew that Brad Pitt/Matt Damon, or whoever from the list was out kissing everyone else on the first date too I'd be all that keen on it. Much nicer if the kiss has some degree of exclusivity. But agreed, there's no reason it can't happen anytime.
A thank you for dinner is a must, the only excuse for neglecting this follow up (immediately after is nice too) is first date jitters, and that does happen. I'm with you on that one. Not sure about the paying offer to be honest. I usually offer to pay when I'm not interested, and fight back the polite urge to offer when I am. Anyone else have that perspective?
So when do we get the list of necessary requirements for dates 2,3,4...?
Think I've used up my comment quota for the week. Great photo series of Chicago area events lately, looks like you're getting out and making the most of summer in the city. Your parents MI place looks great too. Have a great week!
Lars and the real girl? Nope, I'll have to look that one up.
The paying for dinner thing would be an excellent sociological study. Why do we perceive it to be the "gentlemanly" thing to do? A tradition started by a woman no doubt....though often they didn't work and had no money, so maybe that's why. That was a looonnnngggg time ago though.
Unfortunately there aren't really any other requirements. If they get to the second date, that means they have manners, are not emotional cripples and have some ability to be affectionate.
Don't be a stranger!
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