Wednesday, May 27, 2009

When I become dictator....(part two)

On with my dictatorship changes!

All highway roadwork will be done 24/7, weather permitting, and overtime will NOT be paid. You work an 8 hour shift; I don't give a shit if it's midnight to 8 a.m. or not. You work 8 hours, you get paid for 8 hours. Unions are done.

Teachers tenure is done too. If you don't do a good job teaching EVERY year, you don't get to keep your job....just like the rest of society. I will up their starting salaries though.

Ricardo really doesn't like my next change, which is to take a DNA sample from everyone born or entering the company, even if they are just visiting. If you commit a crime and leave behind evidence, you're going to get identified. God help you if we catch you!!

All government documents relating to the Kennedy assassination and area 51 will be made public, without any editing.

Flat income tax rate of 15% on all income over $30k. No deductions for anything. For businesses, there will be no differences between tax and book REVENUE. As a company you can do whatever you want with your expenses, I'm taxing your revenue. This will greatly reduce the need for public accountants and IRS agents.

Traffic accidents will have screens tossed up around them to prevent rubber neckers. Fewer delays! At the same time, I'm going to increase speed limits. It's so nice to be able to go 70 in Michigan.

Lawsuits against doctors will be capped. Doctors need to be better as well though.Attempt to eliminate frivolous law suits by setting better precedent. If you do something stupid and your life sucks because of it, I'm not letting you sue somebody just to get money.

NFL rookies will have their salaries slotted (no more signing for huge dollar amounts without having played a down and no more holdouts). Along those lines, all sporting event and movie ticket prices will be cut by 66%. Salaries of professional athletes will have a raised minimum and capped salary (capped somewhere around $5million a year). Entertainers will have their salaries capped as well. CEO's will be paid based on an algorithm relating their company's taxes paid, stock price performance and number of Americans employed.

And if all of that wasn't enough to make you stop reading, I have the coup de grace. I'd investigate a massive public works program to remove some mountains on the east side of California between San Jose and LA which is trapping rain and cloud cover from heading east into Nevada and AZ. If it works, it could be a model for solving desert conditions in other countries. Will it cost a bundle? Sure, but we just gave banks trillions. I'd be employing tens of thousands of citizens with that money.

That's pretty much it for now. Maybe I'll update my list as I come up with new ideas.

***Late addition***
Can't believe I forgot that I'd get rid of the designated hitter rule in the American League. That's an awful sports reality. Football would be much harder on quarterback's in my regime as well....and kickers. And icing in hockey would be automatic, no "touch up" rule.


alexis said...

I love the idea about salary for CEOs - what a great principal! Leaders should be rewarded based on their overal contribution to society, and still providing incentive to excel (including revenue).

stef said...

This is a really interesting exercise. But I am glad you're not dictator. ;)

el supremo de nm said...

Well one more thing to grateful for - No Lord Joe.

deJesus Freak said...

Also late to the party . . .

1. I'm not exactly sure what problem you are trying to address here. Also, you need to clarify what you mean by "highway" -- having construction take place at 2am may be awful for some neighborhoods and localities.

2. I agree that the issues need to be addressed, but don't like your plan. Also, is this for all teaches -- college, HS, and elementary school alike?

3. Putting aside the invasion of personal liberties, the fact is that if one really needs to get someone's DNA, they can get it fairly easily by looking through their trash.

4. Ok. Roswell too. I don't see that this does much.

5. Not sure. It seems that it will lead to a lot of creative ways to disguise income. It may also have disastrous effects on economic growth.

6. Good idea. As for speed limits, it depends on the area, of course.

7. This is so vague as to be impossible to comment. "Doctors need to be better"? How do you define that and how would you enforce it? What do you consider "frivolous" and what is "better precedent"? I oppose caps, however.

8. Beyond stupid. No.

9. Even worse. How about putting a giant dome over the entire country, like in the Simpsons movie?

10. (a) Yes; (b) what specifically do you mean by "much harder?"; and (c) no.

Lakeview Coffee Joe said...

DJF, you missed the point on the DNA. If we have a database of everyone's DNA, when a crime is committed, we don't have to solve the crime first, then get your DNA, we can go straight from the evidence to YOU. Maybe you're saying someone could get your DNA and plant it, which is possible, but that's possible now, so my system is still better than the current one.

The slotted salaries for rookies already exists in the NBA! It could happen after the next CBA. Of all of my suggestions, this one could be the first to happen. Not sure why you think it's "beyond stupid". It's already shown to be effective, though to a lesser degree than I'm proposing.

deJesusFreak said...

1. I'm saying that the government doesn't need to take DNA samples from everyone -- they can get DNA through far less intrusive means.

2. I think it's always kind of funny that people who generally preach free market capitalism suddenly want things like salary caps and rookie slotting in sports. If a team decides to blow their budget on a rookie, that should be their choice.

What I was saying was "beyond stupid," though, was the arbitrary and capricious capping of sporting and movie ticket prices and caps/minimums in general, for athletes and celebrities alike.

As for CEOs, I think your idea sounds OK for advisory purposes and would be especially useful for companies taking federal money, but to mandate it for all companies is extreme.